[It takes a moment, but Fenris picks up and sees it's Sarajane. He's surprised honestly, they haven't talked much, but regardless he finds himself glad to see she looks well enough.
Not that his broody expression gives that away. He's walking outside, looking a little wind rumpled.]
I am well enough, been dealing with the hunt that happens each night. I cannot sit idle and allow these spirits to kill people.
[A pause.]
I would be amendable to meeting up for a drink, perhaps another evening?
[they haven't, but it's mostly been the fact that Sarajane is from Inquisition epilogue further in the future and also feels like a pretty lousy excuse for a Hawke. there is a reason why her username is not.the.champion. she smiles, though, and is genuinely glad she's doing this]
Yeahhhh, those guys are pricks. And I should've figured you'd be doing that. You're great at the whole killing people who really have it coming thing.
[she nods]
Great! Great! I would really like for us to do that. And it's on me that I haven't, uh...asked earlier. I should've known better.
[There is a hint of a smile, though it's gone almost as fast as it appears. He was good at killing those who had it coming, he wasn't about to sit back and let the wild hunt slaughter the imprisoned starchildren.]
It's of no bother, I assumed you were busy or the like, you are not beholden to me by any means.
Sure! But you don't have to thank me for the truth.
[Fenris' moral compass was something she admired most about him. that and the fact that in her Thedas, he'd been the only one to not react to her news about being serious with Sebastian with a resounding 'WHY']
Welllllll. Not so busy, really? [survivor's guilt to the nth degree will do that] Just kind of doing my thing? Helping when needed?
I can understand such sentiments. I find it difficult to befriend people when I know it will end, but I have made a number of close friends in my time here already. They make the everyday easier.
[Otherwise he would be bored out of his skull if he wasn't able to bother Rue of Garrett as often.]
Yeah, I mean. That's the problem. Sooner or later, one of us will leave. Not me, probably not unless I figure out how to be me and a princess regnant, but. People. But maybe I should start there, who would you recommend as friends?
[because she has no idea where to start if left entirely to her own devices]
Ah... the people I have grown close to is Garrett and Rue, I have also become acquainted with a Minako and Vash.
[He's not entirely sure who he is close to are people she would get along with as well. She was different enough from his own Hawke that he wasn't entirely sure.]
Well, Garrett's kind of a given, since y'know. He's another Hawke? And seems relatively well-adjusted? By Hawke standards, anyway. Don't think I've met the other three though, the names aren't ringing a bell. But they're good to know?
[she is painfully aware that she is not well-adjusted, even by Hawke standards.
and sincerely] That's good. No one should be lonely. I always kind of...worried about that with, uh. The Fenris from my version of Thedas. I mean, you had your thing with Isabela, but it seemed like it was kind of no-strings on both of your sides?
He's an idiot. [But it's said affectionately. It wasn't hard for an idiot to seem like he was okay when he might not be, but lately Hawke has been doing better, less ashen wings and more smiles, even for him.
He nods.] I find them good people to know.
And if it was like in my world, yes, it was just a physical thing between friends for Isabela and I. I never minded the loneliness.. I suppose. It was harder to bear after Kirkwall though.
Ehhh. [she waggles her hand in a so-so gesture] But in case he asks, you said it, I didn't. [she says, mirth coloring every word. wow, she has missed this and is kicking herself for not reaching out earlier]
Well. I'll look them up. Which, uh. May seem weird? But I'll try to keep the weird to a minimum.
[she sighs and looks down] ...I know the feeling. I had Seb, but I spent the biggest part of the last year looking into red lyrium and, uh, getting dragged into the Inquisition's business. But Varric asked. I couldn't say no, not with all that was on the line.
I believe he will agree with me. [Hawke wasn't an idiot really, he was just foolish and quick to speak without thinking, but it was something of a joke.]
They use the network from time to time, perhaps you will be able to keep an eye out for them and interact that way.
[He looks at his relic, coming to a stop in his steps.] Few could say no to the dwarf, he is incredibly persuasive. Even I can admit that much.
[she laughs] Maybe! But I'm still not saying anything! [because they've recently reached a detente and she doesn't want to risk it]
Okay. What should I say, 'hey, Fenris is from my homeworld and we're friends, please like me?' No. Too desperate.
[she stops, too] Yeah. And it really was a shitshow, at least most of which was my fault so I felt like I had to at least try to finish what I started.
[Fenris is pretty sure out of all the companions that any Hawke had, he was the worst at anything to do with... socializing, so he can't help but shake his head.]
I do believe you are asking the wrong person for advice. Socializing is not my strongest suit.
[He barely makes the friends he has, they were mostly only friends because they were the socializers that wanted to befriend him.]
[well. yes. but there's a saying she's heard, any port in a storm? seems to apply.
a sigh] And I've lost confidence in being able to. Stroud was always nice, but he's lost in the Fade. And the Inquisitor--Lila--has her own problems. And I can't rely on Seb for everything, it's not healthy and it's not fair.
Fuck. I used to be okay at this. Or maybe it was mostly Varric making the intros. Would a post to the network asking for friends be too pathetic to answer or just pathetic enough?
[she's willing to accept a large amount of pathetic if it means she has more people to talk to]
Perhaps it would be more advisable to make a post less about asking for friendship and more about something of interest and attracting those of similar interest to your own.
[she gives him a skeptical but fond look] So, um....'hi, I'm Sarajane Hawke. No, not that Hawke, the other one. I'm into mage rights and archers with great arses and my sense of humor is extremely rusty?'
[He gives her an amused eyebrow and a nod, clearly thinking it was a plenty fine idea. Again, he wasn't exactly the best person for this kind of advice.]
Fenris. Feeeeeeeenris. This is why I love you. Because you always tell it to me straight, even when I think I'm going out of my mind. Which I'm pretty sure I am.
[so not. but she can see how he'd think it's fine from his point of view]
I cannot disagree. But here things are different. You can get to know people, have friends. Perhaps it is not the people back home, but it is something more than nothing.
[she's not sure here is so different than Kirkwall. both places put weights on her shoulders--the safety of Kirkwall and the question of her potential. if she were better at both, Anders never would have blown up the Chantry and she never would have had to execute him for what he'd done. she wouldn't be here anymore]
I...yeah, I could. But I've seen the trials. Been through them. What would stop what happened before from happening again? I failed.
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Not that his broody expression gives that away. He's walking outside, looking a little wind rumpled.]
I am well enough, been dealing with the hunt that happens each night. I cannot sit idle and allow these spirits to kill people.
[A pause.]
I would be amendable to meeting up for a drink, perhaps another evening?
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Inquisition epiloguefurther in the future and also feels like a pretty lousy excuse for a Hawke. there is a reason why her username is not.the.champion. she smiles, though, and is genuinely glad she's doing this]Yeahhhh, those guys are pricks. And I should've figured you'd be doing that. You're great at the whole killing people who really have it coming thing.
[she nods]
Great! Great! I would really like for us to do that. And it's on me that I haven't, uh...asked earlier. I should've known better.
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[There is a hint of a smile, though it's gone almost as fast as it appears. He was good at killing those who had it coming, he wasn't about to sit back and let the wild hunt slaughter the imprisoned starchildren.]
It's of no bother, I assumed you were busy or the like, you are not beholden to me by any means.
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[Fenris' moral compass was something she admired most about him. that and the fact that in her Thedas, he'd been the only one to not react to her news about being serious with Sebastian with a resounding 'WHY']
Welllllll. Not so busy, really? [survivor's guilt to the nth degree will do that] Just kind of doing my thing? Helping when needed?
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[He figures she is like Garrett and keeps herself busy.]
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[that and she's afraid of failing another group of friends as badly as she did the Kirkwall crew]
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[Otherwise he would be bored out of his skull if he wasn't able to bother Rue of Garrett as often.]
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[because she has no idea where to start if left entirely to her own devices]
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[He's not entirely sure who he is close to are people she would get along with as well. She was different enough from his own Hawke that he wasn't entirely sure.]
They have all been.. friends of mine.
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[she is painfully aware that she is not well-adjusted, even by Hawke standards.
and sincerely] That's good. No one should be lonely. I always kind of...worried about that with, uh. The Fenris from my version of Thedas. I mean, you had your thing with Isabela, but it seemed like it was kind of no-strings on both of your sides?
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He nods.] I find them good people to know.
And if it was like in my world, yes, it was just a physical thing between friends for Isabela and I. I never minded the loneliness.. I suppose. It was harder to bear after Kirkwall though.
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Well. I'll look them up. Which, uh. May seem weird? But I'll try to keep the weird to a minimum.
[she sighs and looks down] ...I know the feeling. I had Seb, but I spent the biggest part of the last year looking into red lyrium and, uh, getting dragged into the Inquisition's business. But Varric asked. I couldn't say no, not with all that was on the line.
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They use the network from time to time, perhaps you will be able to keep an eye out for them and interact that way.
[He looks at his relic, coming to a stop in his steps.] Few could say no to the dwarf, he is incredibly persuasive. Even I can admit that much.
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Okay. What should I say, 'hey, Fenris is from my homeworld and we're friends, please like me?' No. Too desperate.
[she stops, too] Yeah. And it really was a shitshow, at least most of which was my fault so I felt like I had to at least try to finish what I started.
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I do believe you are asking the wrong person for advice. Socializing is not my strongest suit.
[He barely makes the friends he has, they were mostly only friends because they were the socializers that wanted to befriend him.]
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a sigh] And I've lost confidence in being able to. Stroud was always nice, but he's lost in the Fade. And the Inquisitor--Lila--has her own problems. And I can't rely on Seb for everything, it's not healthy and it's not fair.
Fuck. I used to be okay at this. Or maybe it was mostly Varric making the intros. Would a post to the network asking for friends be too pathetic to answer or just pathetic enough?
[she's willing to accept a large amount of pathetic if it means she has more people to talk to]
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[He gives her an amused eyebrow and a nod, clearly thinking it was a plenty fine idea. Again, he wasn't exactly the best person for this kind of advice.]
(CW: joking reference to mental health)
[so not. but she can see how he'd think it's fine from his point of view]
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I...yeah, I could. But I've seen the trials. Been through them. What would stop what happened before from happening again? I failed.
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