Fenris gets dressed in something more appropriate and heads that way after a bit. Part of him is surprised to hear from Cobb. He saw the man after the body swap, had him help him through the unnerving part of it, not wanting to be touched, just drink and commiserate with someone who would understand, who would know what it's like to have the one thing that should belong to him irrevocably taken from him again. At least it being Hawke made it better than it could have been.
Cobb had offered a suggestion though, one to look into getting rid of his chronic pain... it made him think about it since now he knew what it was like to not have it.
Regardless, he finds his way to Cobb's place and waves to greet the man as he approaches.
Cobb is leaning against one of the pillars of his porch when Fenris makes his way towards him. It's been awhile since they've talked. Cobb needed to get his head on straight, sort out a few things for himself. Not that he hasn't thought about Fenris. He's thought about him a bit.
"Got a few drinks to offer you," he says as he straightens up. "Been collectin' some from my galaxy. Thought you might want to try somethin' besides the usual whiskey or wine."
He waits for Fenris to join him on the porch, smiling a little. It's good to see him. He looks more comfortable than when they last talked and he'd been struggling with losing his body.
Cobb opens the door for him. "Come on in."
They've never done this at Cobb's place before. He wonders if that's gonna be noticed.
It's absolutely noticed, the text message was even new, but Fenris doesn't point it out right now. He might if it comes up, but right now he is trying to put his trust in the man that he's not walking into some kind of trap.
Cobb has no reason to trap him right? So he nods and steps inside, looking around a little as he makes room for Cobb to enter after him.
His eyebrow does go up at Cobb wanting to share what he's been collecting from home though. It was a generous offer. He's personally not trusted the fox enough to put her magics to work in summoning things, but he finds himself curious to try these galaxy alcohols.
"I'm intrigued how your alcohol might differ from my own," Fenris offers his own small smile. "The alcohol of here is similar to what we have where I'm from. Not all but most, so I've yet to try anything particularly varied."
"I've got a friend, Steve, he can't get drunk on normal alcohol." Cobb leads him over to the shelf where he's been building his collection. It's only seven bottles at the moment. Not much but it's certainly been a few bits of Lore here and there. "But my galaxy has all sorts of species, different from humans and elves like yourself. There's one that gets drunk on sugar."
He gestures to the shelves. "Pick whatever bottle catches your eye. I'll get a glass. Some of them are better with ice."
Cobb saunters towards the kitchen. "And I've got a few things to get off my chest. Clear my head because it sure as hell wasn't clear that night."
"Sugar? That would be inconvenient, since most things have that in it, do they not?" it's not a question he really expects to be answered but he looks at the shelf and... this one is blue and he's never had blue liquor before so he grabs that, curious.
"Ah," is all he says initially at Cobb mentioning that night, because they both know the night in question and they both know that there is much left unanswered. Things have changed between them since that night, he would appreciate to understand more clearly.
Fenris follows him to the kitchen. "Yes, I do believe there is a conversation there to be had if you are willing to have it. I will be first to admit I feel left... in a lurch as it were."
He's not trying to blame Cobb, but he is a little.
"I don't think it's common on their planet." He shrugs. Cobb only knows little bits about other species in his galaxy. They don't generally educate slaves about the wider world. It makes them think.
He wasn't going to drag it out and make Fenris wonder about all the changes here. Cobb doesn't want to play games with him.
He gets down two glasses and walks back towards Fenris. Cobb holds out the glass to him. "Wouldn't have invited you over if I couldn't have that conversation. But a drink might make it easier for both of us."
Take the edge off though Cobb's not sure what edge he's going to find.
Fenris is nothing but edges, it's always good to blunt them a little when one can, so he understands. Even he knows this about himself, he's much more likely to cut someone than hug them, so he doesn't blame the idea of wanting to drink a little.
Before taking his glass, he uncorks the bottle and fills both glasses before setting it aside again to take his glass.
"Then to topics best discussed with alcohol," his humor is dry and sarcastic as he clinks his glass with Cobb's and drinks. He makes an unexpected face, a little surprised, but not disgusted. It was definitely different, unlike anything he's tasted yet still had the same burn of alcohol.
"Ardees," he says with a hiss. "Local drink from home. Made from fermented grains and bantha hides. When it's made by Jawas it's stronger than just about anything else."
Cobb's glad it's strong and it burns. The heat in his gut gives him something else to think about while he figures out the right way to start this conversation.
"I crossed a line that night," he says as he swirls his drink a little. "And, I'll be honest, I don't know if I can go back. Sought you out that night, admittedly a little drunk, and not him and that tells me somethin'."
A line was crossed and he hadn't minded it at the time, yet he also didn't know how to feel about it after the fact. He's never really known how to handle emotions other than anger and contentment. Anything else felt foreign to him. Cobb probably deserved someone less emotionally constipated to have this kind of conversation with...
Yet he can't help the flutter in his chest at the thought of Cobb picking him over someone else that night when he felt vulnerable.
"I do not think we could if we tried, I admit, that it's given me... quite a bit to contemplate."
He takes a sip.
"Was this 'him' someone you were emotionally entangled with?"
"The man I used to live with." Cobb frowns at his drink. "I couldn't quite squash the hope he'd come to feel somethin' for me. Like I felt for him."
He's only said that much to Steve around the fire. This is the second time he's confessed his hopeless, foolish feelings. He smiles a little sadly. He was just a rest stop, a hold over, apparently.
"I don't think he got entangled at all." And he feels very stupid over all of that. Pining like an idiot. Losing something that was never his and all in his head. A little in his heart.
"One of those things I had to figure out while I was gone was makin' sure I wasn't just usin' you. I'm a bastard but I don't want to be that kind of bastard. Not to you." Fenris is more important than that.
"..." Fenris doesn't know what to say to that honestly. He would hate to be used, so he's glad that he didn't want to do that. It would be worse than a rebound honestly. Yet...
"I understand unrequited love, there is someone very important to me back home... I harbored feelings for her for many years," he looks down at his own glass now, for a long moment. "At some point since arriving here my heart stopped yearning for her the same way. She's my dearest friend, but that's all there is to it now."
He takes another sip and looks at Cobb. It's something he only recently realized afterall.
"Leaves us with a choice." Cobb takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "We go back to the other side of the line. Just friends. Good ones given all we share in common."
There's a friendship there that can't be shaken. They'll always understand each other in a way no one else but a former slave can. Cobb will forever be grateful Fenris is here. Easier to be trapped when they're trapped together.
He takes a little step closer to Fenris. "Or we keep crossing the line. We see where it goes. But if you don't want to step over the line with me, tell me now because I do not want hope to stab me in the back again."
Cobb is not going to put himself through that again. He's had enough of that for one year, thank you.
Fenris doesn't feel crowded when he steps closer. There is no way he would lead Cobb on, but he also struggles with the insecure flutter in his chest that he doesn't know if he's made for this? Was he made for softer feelings and softer intimacy? Was it worth the risk when they would both go back to their own worlds the second the chance came?
For a long moment, he's silent with contemplation.
"I admit, I do not know what I would be doing - I am a blade, I was born one and sharpened as one and I cannot say if I have any softness left in me after what's been done to me... Should we cross that line to see, you might only end up cut on my edges," he flexes his hand and then puts down his cup before he breaks it.
"I do not wish to hurt you... but I also am not sure I want to let go either."
"I don't know if much has to change." Cobb lets Fenris have his little bit of space. He doesn't want to make him feel trapped or forced into any decision. "Share a bed some nights. Don't fuck other people. Maybe spend a little more time together. Could use someone's help with my readin'."
No one else knows Cobb can't read well. He's never told that to anyone, not even Steve. "Could help each other with that without feelin' embarrassed. Or stupid."
He shrugs his lopsided shrug. "I don't know if it'll work either. But I'm willin' to risk a little cut to find out."
He thinks about it. Thinks about how it wasn't unpleasant to share a bed, how he isn't fucking other people already, how he wouldn't mind spending more time with Cobb. How he is more than willing to help him with his reading, something that would help them both at the same time.
Cobb wasn't scared of the risk. Hawke would tell him Fuck it, do it. Rue might tell him something of the same but less cursing.
This thing between them always had a time limit, one day they will hurt each other by going their separate ways, but even if that wasn't the case, one of them could die tomorrow, vanish tomorrow, what's wrong with grabbing hold of something now.
With a pause, he finally reaches up to touch Cobb's face. "If you will have me then, I am willing to attempt this."
"Think I've had you plenty of times," he says with a smirk but he carefully leans into Fenris' touch.
The truth is whatever they build between them, whatever they build here, won't last. One of them will go one day and they won't ever get each other back. Different universes and all that. Cobb knows the pain is coming whether they get on well or not.
Pain's an old friend. He'd like to have pleasure and happiness along the way towards the end if he can.
He covers Fenris' hand with his then brings it around to kiss his palm. "Don't see either of us as the publicly affectionate types though. Probably just let those closest to us figure it out and leave the rest for just the two of us?"
Cobb's not the type to hold hands in public or any of that. Important things are kept private so no one can take them. He doesn't want Fenris to be disappointed if that's something he's looking for.
"Vulgar," but he smirks all the same, maybe even does that cute stupid Fenris giggle, so clearly he doesn't actually mind.
He lets Cobb kiss his palm and watches him closely, yes he can do this, be affectionate. It's clear as it is they are what they are and no one will change that about them. They just need to figure what works for them in their own quiet little ways.
"I will be informing Rue, I promised them that should anything of this nature happen to me that they would be the first to know," and he honors his promises. "Other than that, Garrett Hawke will know and I shall leave it for people to figure out over time if they are so curious."
He doesn't seem to mind the fact that there will be nothing public. In fact he prefers it being more private and between them.
"I will need you to be forthright what what you need from me at times, there is much I am willing to do but will not initiate... at the start at least." Once he figures out cuddling, he might initiate it some in the future, but until then, Cobb might have to take the lead.
Cobb's not familiar with Rue but it's fine. He's familiar with the fella with the fire wings having seen him around but never really talked with the man. He's heard a lot from Marc though.
"Might tell Steve. Probably Marc." But that's really the only people Cobb has to tell about anything important like this. He doesn't really think anyone else would give a damn about something so personal.
He nods at the request and gently lowers their hands, keeping their fingers tangled together. "Never had much of a problem speakin' my mind. And we've always been honest with each other."
Cobb can't image they'll be dancing around each other. "You can do the same, you know. If there's something you like or don't."
Of course they won't be dancing around each other, Fenris has always been and still will be rather forthright about what he likes and dislikes. But he nods his assent, agreeing to the request.
His ears feel a little flushed at the feel of them holding hands, but he doesn't say anything. This will be a lot to get used to.
"Whomever you wish to tell is fine by me, Ah... though Marc and I did have a discussion over forced truth icecream about our... relations with you," might as well warn the guy, because if he tells Marc it might come up.
"Merely... an awkward encounter for him is all," Fenris hardly cared who knew about his sex life.
He wants to make that clear. When he slept with Marc he didn't know Layla existed. Somehow in all their conversations and spending time together she didn't get mentioned. Sometimes the guilt over the whole thing still claws at him.
"But that'll make it easier to tell him." If they ever decided to talk about something so personal. Their friendship is almost entirely built on things they don't talk about directly.
For a moment he considers maybe warning Fenris some folks might have something to say about it but he doesn't. Cobb's not sure about it.
"You wanna go sit?" He nods his head towards the couch.
"I'd hardly fault you for something you were unaware of," he sees no reason to have guilt over something he was never made aware of. But then again, ignorance is hardly an excuse to most.
He doesn't mind if anyone has anything to say to him. Honestly, unless they choose to make it someone's business, he doesn't plan to care what anyone else says.
He nods, choosing to lead the way to the couch after the invitation.
Then he pauses and isn't sure what kind of invitation this is. Was it to make out? Have sex? Cuddle? He's not sure he knows how to do the last one, but he chooses to just take a seat and follow Cobb's lead. "Where do we go from here?"
"Yeah, well, still feel like a bastard sometimes." The guilt is less than it was but damn if it still didn't occasionally creep up on Cobb out of nowhere sometimes. He's working on it and it's certainly less that it was.
He drops onto the couch and stretches his legs out. He doesn't do much more besides put an arm across the back of the couch so he can brush his fingers across Fenris' shoulder.
"We can start with you stayin' the night," he suggests with a little smile. Something that they had also never done before. "And figure out the rest as we go. I've missed your company."
Fenris thinks about it for a second, but then he kind of tucks himself up against Cobb's side a little. Not flush, but some. Which is a lot for him in his current state of being, he's gonna take some warming up to get cuddly.
The suggestion is interesting. For some it might be anticlimactic, but he was comfortable. It felt right for them and that's what's important.
"Sounds agreeable to me, then lets see where the night takes us," he gets comfortable, pulling one leg up onto the couch to sit in a half cross legged pose. "I missed your company as well... I spoke to a small number of people about... us, to try and determine how to think about the situation."
He pauses, then continues, "Your absence left me with a lot to think about."
It's a start, a little thing. A sign of the softness that is somewhere buried deep in Fenris. Cobb believes he's been shaped to a weapon and has sharp edges but he doesn't think that's all there is.
There's something sweet under it all. A rare treasure Cobb might be lucky enough to glimpse.
"I went to the desert after that night," he explains even though Fenris isn't really asking for an explanation. "It's not home but it helps me think to be out there. I didn't tell anyone I was goin'. Didn't think most would miss me."
Those close friends he mentioned maybe but Cobb hasn't made too many close friends. He has folks around him but those he lets close are very few.
"Sorry if I worried you." He idly brushes his fingers through Fenris' hair.
As it were, Cobb might be the only one who will get to see it fully one day. But that was a ways away still. For now it was perhaps glimpses and peeks. Hints and subtleties.
For now he listens, careful and quiet. No, he wasn't acting for an explanation, but he appreciates it all the same. The thought was kind and he can accept that, Fenris thinks to shake his head at the apology, but then there are fingers in his hair and he melts a little after going stiff for a second. They were welcome by how he leans into it some.
"Not worried... merely missed you while taking the time to think about what this was between us. It seems you needed the same space and time to do the same." But he had missed Cobb, just wanted to give the man the same amount of space in return.
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Fenris gets dressed in something more appropriate and heads that way after a bit. Part of him is surprised to hear from Cobb. He saw the man after the body swap, had him help him through the unnerving part of it, not wanting to be touched, just drink and commiserate with someone who would understand, who would know what it's like to have the one thing that should belong to him irrevocably taken from him again. At least it being Hawke made it better than it could have been.
Cobb had offered a suggestion though, one to look into getting rid of his chronic pain... it made him think about it since now he knew what it was like to not have it.
Regardless, he finds his way to Cobb's place and waves to greet the man as he approaches.
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"Got a few drinks to offer you," he says as he straightens up. "Been collectin' some from my galaxy. Thought you might want to try somethin' besides the usual whiskey or wine."
He waits for Fenris to join him on the porch, smiling a little. It's good to see him. He looks more comfortable than when they last talked and he'd been struggling with losing his body.
Cobb opens the door for him. "Come on in."
They've never done this at Cobb's place before. He wonders if that's gonna be noticed.
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Cobb has no reason to trap him right? So he nods and steps inside, looking around a little as he makes room for Cobb to enter after him.
His eyebrow does go up at Cobb wanting to share what he's been collecting from home though. It was a generous offer. He's personally not trusted the fox enough to put her magics to work in summoning things, but he finds himself curious to try these galaxy alcohols.
"I'm intrigued how your alcohol might differ from my own," Fenris offers his own small smile. "The alcohol of here is similar to what we have where I'm from. Not all but most, so I've yet to try anything particularly varied."
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He gestures to the shelves. "Pick whatever bottle catches your eye. I'll get a glass. Some of them are better with ice."
Cobb saunters towards the kitchen. "And I've got a few things to get off my chest. Clear my head because it sure as hell wasn't clear that night."
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"Ah," is all he says initially at Cobb mentioning that night, because they both know the night in question and they both know that there is much left unanswered. Things have changed between them since that night, he would appreciate to understand more clearly.
Fenris follows him to the kitchen. "Yes, I do believe there is a conversation there to be had if you are willing to have it. I will be first to admit I feel left... in a lurch as it were."
He's not trying to blame Cobb, but he is a little.
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He wasn't going to drag it out and make Fenris wonder about all the changes here. Cobb doesn't want to play games with him.
He gets down two glasses and walks back towards Fenris. Cobb holds out the glass to him. "Wouldn't have invited you over if I couldn't have that conversation. But a drink might make it easier for both of us."
Take the edge off though Cobb's not sure what edge he's going to find.
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Before taking his glass, he uncorks the bottle and fills both glasses before setting it aside again to take his glass.
"Then to topics best discussed with alcohol," his humor is dry and sarcastic as he clinks his glass with Cobb's and drinks. He makes an unexpected face, a little surprised, but not disgusted. It was definitely different, unlike anything he's tasted yet still had the same burn of alcohol.
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Cobb's glad it's strong and it burns. The heat in his gut gives him something else to think about while he figures out the right way to start this conversation.
"I crossed a line that night," he says as he swirls his drink a little. "And, I'll be honest, I don't know if I can go back. Sought you out that night, admittedly a little drunk, and not him and that tells me somethin'."
He takes a sip.
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Yet he can't help the flutter in his chest at the thought of Cobb picking him over someone else that night when he felt vulnerable.
"I do not think we could if we tried, I admit, that it's given me... quite a bit to contemplate."
He takes a sip.
"Was this 'him' someone you were emotionally entangled with?"
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He's only said that much to Steve around the fire. This is the second time he's confessed his hopeless, foolish feelings. He smiles a little sadly. He was just a rest stop, a hold over, apparently.
"I don't think he got entangled at all." And he feels very stupid over all of that. Pining like an idiot. Losing something that was never his and all in his head. A little in his heart.
"One of those things I had to figure out while I was gone was makin' sure I wasn't just usin' you. I'm a bastard but I don't want to be that kind of bastard. Not to you." Fenris is more important than that.
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"I understand unrequited love, there is someone very important to me back home... I harbored feelings for her for many years," he looks down at his own glass now, for a long moment. "At some point since arriving here my heart stopped yearning for her the same way. She's my dearest friend, but that's all there is to it now."
He takes another sip and looks at Cobb. It's something he only recently realized afterall.
"Where does that leave us then?"
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There's a friendship there that can't be shaken. They'll always understand each other in a way no one else but a former slave can. Cobb will forever be grateful Fenris is here. Easier to be trapped when they're trapped together.
He takes a little step closer to Fenris. "Or we keep crossing the line. We see where it goes. But if you don't want to step over the line with me, tell me now because I do not want hope to stab me in the back again."
Cobb is not going to put himself through that again. He's had enough of that for one year, thank you.
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For a long moment, he's silent with contemplation.
"I admit, I do not know what I would be doing - I am a blade, I was born one and sharpened as one and I cannot say if I have any softness left in me after what's been done to me... Should we cross that line to see, you might only end up cut on my edges," he flexes his hand and then puts down his cup before he breaks it.
"I do not wish to hurt you... but I also am not sure I want to let go either."
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No one else knows Cobb can't read well. He's never told that to anyone, not even Steve. "Could help each other with that without feelin' embarrassed. Or stupid."
He shrugs his lopsided shrug. "I don't know if it'll work either. But I'm willin' to risk a little cut to find out."
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Cobb wasn't scared of the risk. Hawke would tell him Fuck it, do it. Rue might tell him something of the same but less cursing.
This thing between them always had a time limit, one day they will hurt each other by going their separate ways, but even if that wasn't the case, one of them could die tomorrow, vanish tomorrow, what's wrong with grabbing hold of something now.
With a pause, he finally reaches up to touch Cobb's face. "If you will have me then, I am willing to attempt this."
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The truth is whatever they build between them, whatever they build here, won't last. One of them will go one day and they won't ever get each other back. Different universes and all that. Cobb knows the pain is coming whether they get on well or not.
Pain's an old friend. He'd like to have pleasure and happiness along the way towards the end if he can.
He covers Fenris' hand with his then brings it around to kiss his palm. "Don't see either of us as the publicly affectionate types though. Probably just let those closest to us figure it out and leave the rest for just the two of us?"
Cobb's not the type to hold hands in public or any of that. Important things are kept private so no one can take them. He doesn't want Fenris to be disappointed if that's something he's looking for.
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He lets Cobb kiss his palm and watches him closely, yes he can do this, be affectionate. It's clear as it is they are what they are and no one will change that about them. They just need to figure what works for them in their own quiet little ways.
"I will be informing Rue, I promised them that should anything of this nature happen to me that they would be the first to know," and he honors his promises. "Other than that, Garrett Hawke will know and I shall leave it for people to figure out over time if they are so curious."
He doesn't seem to mind the fact that there will be nothing public. In fact he prefers it being more private and between them.
"I will need you to be forthright what what you need from me at times, there is much I am willing to do but will not initiate... at the start at least." Once he figures out cuddling, he might initiate it some in the future, but until then, Cobb might have to take the lead.
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"Might tell Steve. Probably Marc." But that's really the only people Cobb has to tell about anything important like this. He doesn't really think anyone else would give a damn about something so personal.
He nods at the request and gently lowers their hands, keeping their fingers tangled together. "Never had much of a problem speakin' my mind. And we've always been honest with each other."
Cobb can't image they'll be dancing around each other. "You can do the same, you know. If there's something you like or don't."
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His ears feel a little flushed at the feel of them holding hands, but he doesn't say anything. This will be a lot to get used to.
"Whomever you wish to tell is fine by me, Ah... though Marc and I did have a discussion over forced truth icecream about our... relations with you," might as well warn the guy, because if he tells Marc it might come up.
"Merely... an awkward encounter for him is all," Fenris hardly cared who knew about his sex life.
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He wants to make that clear. When he slept with Marc he didn't know Layla existed. Somehow in all their conversations and spending time together she didn't get mentioned. Sometimes the guilt over the whole thing still claws at him.
"But that'll make it easier to tell him." If they ever decided to talk about something so personal. Their friendship is almost entirely built on things they don't talk about directly.
For a moment he considers maybe warning Fenris some folks might have something to say about it but he doesn't. Cobb's not sure about it.
"You wanna go sit?" He nods his head towards the couch.
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He doesn't mind if anyone has anything to say to him. Honestly, unless they choose to make it someone's business, he doesn't plan to care what anyone else says.
He nods, choosing to lead the way to the couch after the invitation.
Then he pauses and isn't sure what kind of invitation this is. Was it to make out? Have sex? Cuddle? He's not sure he knows how to do the last one, but he chooses to just take a seat and follow Cobb's lead. "Where do we go from here?"
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He drops onto the couch and stretches his legs out. He doesn't do much more besides put an arm across the back of the couch so he can brush his fingers across Fenris' shoulder.
"We can start with you stayin' the night," he suggests with a little smile. Something that they had also never done before. "And figure out the rest as we go. I've missed your company."
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The suggestion is interesting. For some it might be anticlimactic, but he was comfortable. It felt right for them and that's what's important.
"Sounds agreeable to me, then lets see where the night takes us," he gets comfortable, pulling one leg up onto the couch to sit in a half cross legged pose. "I missed your company as well... I spoke to a small number of people about... us, to try and determine how to think about the situation."
He pauses, then continues, "Your absence left me with a lot to think about."
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There's something sweet under it all. A rare treasure Cobb might be lucky enough to glimpse.
"I went to the desert after that night," he explains even though Fenris isn't really asking for an explanation. "It's not home but it helps me think to be out there. I didn't tell anyone I was goin'. Didn't think most would miss me."
Those close friends he mentioned maybe but Cobb hasn't made too many close friends. He has folks around him but those he lets close are very few.
"Sorry if I worried you." He idly brushes his fingers through Fenris' hair.
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For now he listens, careful and quiet. No, he wasn't acting for an explanation, but he appreciates it all the same. The thought was kind and he can accept that, Fenris thinks to shake his head at the apology, but then there are fingers in his hair and he melts a little after going stiff for a second. They were welcome by how he leans into it some.
"Not worried... merely missed you while taking the time to think about what this was between us. It seems you needed the same space and time to do the same." But he had missed Cobb, just wanted to give the man the same amount of space in return.
"Regardless, I appreciate your return."
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