[Fenris had thought to offer his own hand but is beaten to the punch when Astarion offers his own first. It's a little surprising, but Fenris doesn't think about it as he takes the elf's hand in his own.]
20? It seems you have high expectations for the crew. [There's a smile to his voice as he lets Astarion start to guide him for the grand tour.]
Well it was this or what appeared to be a poorly-held together shack by the seaside. I'd much prefer this.
[ Although he hasn't quite thought through the particulars of how you keep a house this nice clean when you don't have a hoard of various servants at your disposal. It's fine, he'll consider that later.
For now, they enter in through a grand foyer, the place certainly impressive enough to belong to an entire armada. ]
Yes, I would say this suits you much better than a shack.
[He couldn't imagine the other man living in a shack. No, Astarion deserved something fit for a king and to see such a massive and extensive home, he could safely say that this was exactly that.
Especially when they enter the grand foyer and he can see how this could have been the headquarters for an armada and it would have still had space to spare.]
You could start your own armada with a home like this. [A small tease.]
[Fenris is one of those people who needs a kitchen, so it's good to see one, though he's not surprised to see one. What does surprise him just a little is the offer, because it was a sweet offer for sure.
Did Astarion want to provide for him?]
I shall and you will have to do the same, you are already providing the accommodations for us all, Commander.
[He lets the title roll off his tongue in a.. flirty way.]
[ Astarion obviously likes the sound of it, so clearly preening under the attention. He steps closer and puts his hands on Fenris's hips, and then presses a kiss to his neck. ]
[His breath catches in a small way, his head tilting to the side in offer as his own arms move to rest on the elf's shoulders. There wasn't really anything sexual he found about the feeding, but he did enjoy being this close to Astarion, for him to want him even like this, for Fenris to be able to help someone he cares about so deeply. Any pain and cold that came from it was easily outweighed.
So when the kiss comes to his neck, he feels the uptick of his heart in anticipation.]
Is that how you would describe me? As sweet? [That would be a first.]
[ Another kiss, but no hint of his fangs. Just gentle, chaste kisses. Teasing, at best, given the way he can hear Fenris's heart. ]
Mm, that's far to simple a word to capture it. I might as well try to describe the taste of a rainstorm. You're...electric and warm and perfect. As just as petrichor carries with it that familiar feeling of remembrance, there's something about you that tastes like home in a way I never expect.
[Fenris hums at the kiss, something soothed and pleased, even with the slight teasing of it, he doesn't mind, the anticipation of maybe shivered down his spine.
But Astarion's words hit home with him, they tingle against his warmed heart and make him feel a little lightheaded with the intensity of them. That was something they both had, intensity, they could match each other so well with it. Enough so that it didn't scare off Fenris as it might some others.
Maker he wants to kiss Astarion right now.]
You leave me speechless, ma vhenan, to know you find home with me is something I cannot describe but to say that I am glad and will always welcome you to take shelter in me from the rainstorm.
[ A gentle graze of his fangs, but then he pulls away from neck and instead presses a kiss to Fenris's slips. ]
I've come to care about you a great deal, you know. It's not just about biting you, or about having sex--although those things are very fun.
[ He smiles, mostly at the thought of it, but then, after he's done thinking about sex, his smile turns a little shy, almost boyish, and the very tips of his ears blush just a bit as he says the next part: ]
I want you to stay. I want to wake up and know you're still here.
[Fenris doesn't hesitate to press back into the kiss before the man is pulling away and speaking to him. And what he says.. it makes that warm heart skip a beat. He's wanted to say something similar to Astarion but in many ways needed the elf to reach this place first before he took the same steps.
For fear? Perhaps. For waiting for Astarion to be ready? Yes, in part. It was complex and fragile, this thing between them, yet also strong and beautiful in a way that it shouldn't be. Like with how it could end at any moment they should avoid this, it should be so easy to break it, yet... yet.
Yet he wants to kiss those blushing ears as he raises a hand to gently brush one.]
I do not call you vhenan lightly, you have found a place in my heart that no other could occupy... As if my very soul calls to you, not even the rifts could keep us apart.
[He smiles gentle and warm, because he doesn't need the sex or the biting, he just wants Astarion, even without those and would gladly take that as his everyday.]
Which is to say I care for you deeply, that my sentiments for you are much the same... that I would wish for nothing less than to stay here and wake with you each day.
[ he blushes a little deeper although whether it's the admission or the way Fenris is touching him is hard to say.
But then a thought occurs to him and he grows a little more serious. ]
I should be clear, though, now, before all of us become so entangled we cannot undo it. My heart cannot belong to just one person. What I feel for you is...[ he hesitates, not out of shyness but because the weight of what he feels is so intense he doesn't know how to put it into words ] something I do not know how to describe. The words I've used in the past all pale in comparison. With you, I ...I feel seen in a way no one else can see me.
That's wholly unique and special and something only you can do. Even so...
[ he doesn't know why this is so hard, suddenly. Maybe he should've had this talk sooner. He feels like he's done something wrong, and that's a new feeling. Maybe because of how things had gone with Gale ]
I don't want you to think that my affection for you is any weaker because I have a fondness for others, or because I might share my bed with them. But if that is an unwelcome thought then...I think we ought to figure that out now, before we can hurt one another too deeply.
Forgive me if I have given you reason to think otherwise, but I've never expected your heart solely to belong to me. In fact, you deserve the freedom of your heart and body, I would never hold you back from that. [His hand comes to rest on the elf's check, cupping it tenderly.
What he feels for Astarion is intense, almost like love but without the leash, he doesn't feel collared or tied down by the love he feels for him and he knows that now. Like Astarion, he also feels seen in a way that he's never known until this man, he feels understood on a soul level that has never happened to him, not even with Hawke. And oh, how he loves Hawke - it's why he cannot give Astarion his whole heart in return either, because Hawke has such a profound hold on it, even if he cannot be loved back by the man.
A soulmate - something he dismissed as fool romantic sayings - is what he feels he's found in Astarion..]
You are profoundly important to me, ma vhenan, in a way no other is, so even if we both warm other beds and welcome the affections of others into our hearts, nothing can change that or take it away. Special feels.. too weak of a word to describe your meaning to me.
[He pauses for a long moment, staring deeply into red eyes, his own ears warm with the affection he feels from Astarion right now. The deep care and consideration the other is showing him by having this conversation with him.] I admit.. this is new to me, but I am open to continuing, finding the niche that fits us.
[ Astarion feels so relieved, almost giddy with it. It strikes him how badly he truly has it for Fenris. For this. But again, Fenris shows incredible understanding. And his heart is full.
Astarion smiles, leaning forward so he can kiss this tip of Fenris's ear. After he does, he speak quietly against it. ]
Ai armiel telere maenen hir.
[ You hold my heart forever.
He means it, these are not pretty words to seduce someone. Fenris will always have a piece of him, no matter how far apart they are. He knows one day he will lose him to the rifts. But maybe that's why they're so intense now. They have to explore so much of each other in this fleeting time they have. ]
[Fenris feels himself intake air sharply, as if the words struck his heart, because they have. They mean more to him than he can explain, because before Astarion he did not know such reciprocated affection before. This unique and beautiful thing they have between them feels bigger than hearts and love, it's understanding and compassion, it's being intrinsically intertwined.
Because just as Astarion holds his heart, Fenris now holds the elf's in return. A gift he will not squander or mistreat.
He knows those words are honest and real, he doesn't doubt them for a second. Astarion might speak some things carelessly, but rarely has he done it between the two of them.
If only he didn't have the knowledge that his mind would likely forget this when he returns to Thedas, that Astarion will only be remembered in his heart and soul, leaving a void that will never be filled again.. Perhaps that is why he's so intense, because he knows that this is not only fleeting in time, but in memory. That he doesn't get to hang on to this after like a bittersweet kiss when it's over, that all of it will be taken from him.
Hand still cupping the elf's cheek, he guides him down to his lips, where he takes him in an emotionally laden kiss, something deep and desperate and madly in love.]
[ Kisses like this would have been hard, once. But with Fenris they almost feel easy. He opens his mouth for Fenris and receives him--receives that desperation and that love. Those emotions are still difficult. Like he is too clumsy to hold them. But where they normally feel fragile, something that might break in his unaccustomed hands, with Fenris they feel like they are forged in steel. He could drop them and they would not break.
He slides his hands from Fenris's hips into a real hug, holding him close. There's a desperation here, too, but not in the way that he'd hugged him when he'd come back, demanding and childish; needy and scared. Now, though, it is desperation borne of desire. He knows what he wants, and it's here, in his hands, at least for as long as he can hold onto him. ]
[WIth Astarion, this love doesn't feel like a collar but the wings borne of freedom, he doesn't feel tied down and trading masters but as if they are free together, two birds exploring the skies in a dance. It was something breathtaking as he deepens their kiss, taking and giving in equal turn. To taste and touch. He isn't scared to love Astarion, he doesn't feel the need to run knowing it's returned.
And then he's being held with such desperate want and his own arms circle the elf, hugging him close, holding him with such need. Because he does, he needs Astarion, for the first time he needs someone and it should be terrifying. It should be, yet it was not. His grip is firm as he holds and kisses the man with all the need and love he can muster.]
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[He's pulling up on the house now and sees how big it is.]
I must ask, did you intend to buy a mansion? [There is humor to his voice.]
> action
[ Astarion heads out so he can meet him outside. The gardens in the front are sad for now but they'll get fixed up eventually ]
Hello, darling. Do you like it?
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Fit for a king. It's size is quite impressive. Just how many rooms does it have?
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[ he offers Fenris his hand to take while they walk together. ]
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20? It seems you have high expectations for the crew. [There's a smile to his voice as he lets Astarion start to guide him for the grand tour.]
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[ Although he hasn't quite thought through the particulars of how you keep a house this nice clean when you don't have a hoard of various servants at your disposal. It's fine, he'll consider that later.
For now, they enter in through a grand foyer, the place certainly impressive enough to belong to an entire armada. ]
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[He couldn't imagine the other man living in a shack. No, Astarion deserved something fit for a king and to see such a massive and extensive home, he could safely say that this was exactly that.
Especially when they enter the grand foyer and he can see how this could have been the headquarters for an armada and it would have still had space to spare.]
You could start your own armada with a home like this. [A small tease.]
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[ There's certainly something to suggestive to this otherwise normal thing he's saying to him.
He walks him over to the kitchen to show him. I mean he's not going to use it, but he recognizes that some people need to eat. ]
You'll have to let me know if there's anything you want.
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Did Astarion want to provide for him?]
I shall and you will have to do the same, you are already providing the accommodations for us all, Commander.
[He lets the title roll off his tongue in a.. flirty way.]
It wouldn't do for you to go without.
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I can think of something sweet.
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So when the kiss comes to his neck, he feels the uptick of his heart in anticipation.]
Is that how you would describe me? As sweet? [That would be a first.]
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Mm, that's far to simple a word to capture it. I might as well try to describe the taste of a rainstorm. You're...electric and warm and perfect. As just as petrichor carries with it that familiar feeling of remembrance, there's something about you that tastes like home in a way I never expect.
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But Astarion's words hit home with him, they tingle against his warmed heart and make him feel a little lightheaded with the intensity of them. That was something they both had, intensity, they could match each other so well with it. Enough so that it didn't scare off Fenris as it might some others.
Maker he wants to kiss Astarion right now.]
You leave me speechless, ma vhenan, to know you find home with me is something I cannot describe but to say that I am glad and will always welcome you to take shelter in me from the rainstorm.
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[ A gentle graze of his fangs, but then he pulls away from neck and instead presses a kiss to Fenris's slips. ]
I've come to care about you a great deal, you know. It's not just about biting you, or about having sex--although those things are very fun.
[ He smiles, mostly at the thought of it, but then, after he's done thinking about sex, his smile turns a little shy, almost boyish, and the very tips of his ears blush just a bit as he says the next part: ]
I want you to stay. I want to wake up and know you're still here.
no subject
For fear? Perhaps. For waiting for Astarion to be ready? Yes, in part. It was complex and fragile, this thing between them, yet also strong and beautiful in a way that it shouldn't be. Like with how it could end at any moment they should avoid this, it should be so easy to break it, yet... yet.
Yet he wants to kiss those blushing ears as he raises a hand to gently brush one.]
I do not call you vhenan lightly, you have found a place in my heart that no other could occupy... As if my very soul calls to you, not even the rifts could keep us apart.
[He smiles gentle and warm, because he doesn't need the sex or the biting, he just wants Astarion, even without those and would gladly take that as his everyday.]
Which is to say I care for you deeply, that my sentiments for you are much the same... that I would wish for nothing less than to stay here and wake with you each day.
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[ he blushes a little deeper although whether it's the admission or the way Fenris is touching him is hard to say.
But then a thought occurs to him and he grows a little more serious. ]
I should be clear, though, now, before all of us become so entangled we cannot undo it. My heart cannot belong to just one person. What I feel for you is...[ he hesitates, not out of shyness but because the weight of what he feels is so intense he doesn't know how to put it into words ] something I do not know how to describe. The words I've used in the past all pale in comparison. With you, I ...I feel seen in a way no one else can see me.
That's wholly unique and special and something only you can do. Even so...
[ he doesn't know why this is so hard, suddenly. Maybe he should've had this talk sooner. He feels like he's done something wrong, and that's a new feeling. Maybe because of how things had gone with Gale ]
I don't want you to think that my affection for you is any weaker because I have a fondness for others, or because I might share my bed with them. But if that is an unwelcome thought then...I think we ought to figure that out now, before we can hurt one another too deeply.
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What he feels for Astarion is intense, almost like love but without the leash, he doesn't feel collared or tied down by the love he feels for him and he knows that now. Like Astarion, he also feels seen in a way that he's never known until this man, he feels understood on a soul level that has never happened to him, not even with Hawke. And oh, how he loves Hawke - it's why he cannot give Astarion his whole heart in return either, because Hawke has such a profound hold on it, even if he cannot be loved back by the man.
A soulmate - something he dismissed as fool romantic sayings - is what he feels he's found in Astarion..]
You are profoundly important to me, ma vhenan, in a way no other is, so even if we both warm other beds and welcome the affections of others into our hearts, nothing can change that or take it away. Special feels.. too weak of a word to describe your meaning to me.
[He pauses for a long moment, staring deeply into red eyes, his own ears warm with the affection he feels from Astarion right now. The deep care and consideration the other is showing him by having this conversation with him.] I admit.. this is new to me, but I am open to continuing, finding the niche that fits us.
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Astarion smiles, leaning forward so he can kiss this tip of Fenris's ear. After he does, he speak quietly against it. ]
Ai armiel telere maenen hir.
[ You hold my heart forever.
He means it, these are not pretty words to seduce someone. Fenris will always have a piece of him, no matter how far apart they are. He knows one day he will lose him to the rifts. But maybe that's why they're so intense now. They have to explore so much of each other in this fleeting time they have. ]
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Because just as Astarion holds his heart, Fenris now holds the elf's in return. A gift he will not squander or mistreat.
He knows those words are honest and real, he doesn't doubt them for a second. Astarion might speak some things carelessly, but rarely has he done it between the two of them.
If only he didn't have the knowledge that his mind would likely forget this when he returns to Thedas, that Astarion will only be remembered in his heart and soul, leaving a void that will never be filled again.. Perhaps that is why he's so intense, because he knows that this is not only fleeting in time, but in memory. That he doesn't get to hang on to this after like a bittersweet kiss when it's over, that all of it will be taken from him.
Hand still cupping the elf's cheek, he guides him down to his lips, where he takes him in an emotionally laden kiss, something deep and desperate and madly in love.]
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He slides his hands from Fenris's hips into a real hug, holding him close. There's a desperation here, too, but not in the way that he'd hugged him when he'd come back, demanding and childish; needy and scared. Now, though, it is desperation borne of desire. He knows what he wants, and it's here, in his hands, at least for as long as he can hold onto him. ]
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And then he's being held with such desperate want and his own arms circle the elf, hugging him close, holding him with such need. Because he does, he needs Astarion, for the first time he needs someone and it should be terrifying. It should be, yet it was not. His grip is firm as he holds and kisses the man with all the need and love he can muster.]