Is it? Are they fine? Cobb knows he's a damn mess deep down and doing all he can to hide it but this just proved he's really not okay. His instincts rarely lead him wrong but he feels out of step with everything around him, especially when Fenris takes pity on him and gives him clothes.
He changes into the pants which are only a little tight around the hips and wildly too short because he knows this unsettled feeling will only be worse if he goes home to nothing and no one. He let himself get used to company, to another presence, and that's gone so now what?
Now this, he supposes. He's got to learn to walk on shifting sands again.
Cobb crawls into bed while Fenris is downstairs and lays down on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He makes the choice not to fill the silence with words even if he feels like he should explain or make an excuse for his behavior.
Fenris has no idea if they are fine or if what is between them is changed by tonight. But it wasn't worth thinking about right now. He didn't have answers but he wasn't about to turn away a friend in needs just because their needs were... more intimate than he was used to dealing with. He was more used to direct matters.
But when he slips into bed as well, he moves to lay on his side, back to the man to allow him the chance to spoon him if he wishes, opening his book to try and read while they do so.
"My good friend Rue has a bookclub, I am working on my reading for it," he says after a while to fill the silence. "It is easier for me to read outloud, I hope that will not disturb you."
"Don't read much. Too slow at it." Cobb takes a moment to think, debating quietly with himself. He asked for this but it felt like... like he hadn't earned it. Like by stopping sex he didn't deserve to cuddle close and hold Fenris.
That unmoored feeling came back hard but Cobb takes a deep breath and buries it like he buries the anger and pain he carries daily.
"Don't mind. You do what you need. Just gonna try and sleep." Cobb settles more on his back and closes his eyes. He'll drift off eventually just because of alcohol and exhaustion.
In the morning, he'll make breakfast for Fenris to pay him back for this hospitality.
"Same," is all he says in reply, because he too is slow and not very good at it, yet Rue is determined to help him get better at it, so he keeps trying. Not like he has much else to do with his time here. He needed more hobbies really.
But slowly, very slowly, he reads outloud, "There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit or sense," sometimes he stumbles over words, sometimes he doesn't, but he gets through it slowly.
Eventually, he will set aside the book and curl up with Cobb and sleep. He will be grateful for the breakfast in the morning, but the air will be different. How could it not be. But that was a problem for another day.
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He changes into the pants which are only a little tight around the hips and wildly too short because he knows this unsettled feeling will only be worse if he goes home to nothing and no one. He let himself get used to company, to another presence, and that's gone so now what?
Now this, he supposes. He's got to learn to walk on shifting sands again.
Cobb crawls into bed while Fenris is downstairs and lays down on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He makes the choice not to fill the silence with words even if he feels like he should explain or make an excuse for his behavior.
no subject
But when he slips into bed as well, he moves to lay on his side, back to the man to allow him the chance to spoon him if he wishes, opening his book to try and read while they do so.
"My good friend Rue has a bookclub, I am working on my reading for it," he says after a while to fill the silence. "It is easier for me to read outloud, I hope that will not disturb you."
no subject
That unmoored feeling came back hard but Cobb takes a deep breath and buries it like he buries the anger and pain he carries daily.
"Don't mind. You do what you need. Just gonna try and sleep." Cobb settles more on his back and closes his eyes. He'll drift off eventually just because of alcohol and exhaustion.
In the morning, he'll make breakfast for Fenris to pay him back for this hospitality.
no subject
But slowly, very slowly, he reads outloud, "There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit or sense," sometimes he stumbles over words, sometimes he doesn't, but he gets through it slowly.
Eventually, he will set aside the book and curl up with Cobb and sleep. He will be grateful for the breakfast in the morning, but the air will be different. How could it not be. But that was a problem for another day.