[He smiles a bit at that. Steven knows how Fenris feels about mages so him saying this is a big deal. He wonders if Fenris felt differently when he first met Marian.]
That's so sweet. [He chuckles, so fond over this situation. Steven and Cobb don't really get along much - nothing harsh or overly abrasive, but he's more friendly with Marc than him - but he knows Cobb is a good man.] Despite mixed feelings about this place, everyone deserves to find whatever bit of happiness they can. It may be temporary but... we don't know how long we'll be here, so may as well hold onto the good with both hands, yeah?
[Fenris sits with that for a second drinking some more wine before saying anything. It was temporary and he might not even remember it, he could lose Cobb tomorrow or a year from now, but...]
I suppose so, yes. I am grateful for those I have met though I do not plan to play kindly to her tricks any longer. I find myself at my wits end with her and her trials. No matter what that means for me.
[He looks tired, but not the kind that's ready to give up, the kind that is being cornered and ready to lash out even if it means death.]
[Thirteen and her trials can be very hit or miss, but when they're bad, they're bad. Steven will never get the image of Layla bleeding out in his arms out of his head, or seeing Hawke Tranquil, or Marc scared and overheated from the desert. No amount of silliness or sudden magical ability will make up for the bad.]
Sometimes... I wonder what would happen if we all collectively decided not to play along anymore. [His voice grows hushed admitting as much, hunching in closer to the table as if he's worried about being overheard.] What would she do if we simply laid down and said no?
[Steven is admittedly complacent in some ways himself but he knows, at the end of the day, that this isn't where he wants to be for the rest of his life. He doesn't want anyone to be if they aren't staying willingly.]
That's the difficult thing, isn't it? Not everyone agrees. [A soft smile there, almost resigned.] I'll admit when it's peaceful here it's quite nice. Some people don't have much of a life to return to, so I understand their perspective too but...
[He shakes his head some.] Not every prison is so apparent.
I admit... I have nothing to return to but my purpose, but I have to believe that it's worthwhile enough to do just that. But I do not wish to be blinded by a gilded cage
[He finishes his wine and runs his fingers along the rim of the cup.]
If it is cooperation we need to defeat her, then she has seen well that we are divided just enough to not have it.
Difficult to cooperate when she's constantly testing us too, isn't it? At least, not in an organic way. She wants us to work together but also makes it so frustrating.
[Steven shakes his head, seemingly annoyed by the thought, and opts to finish his drink too.
She's probably able to listen to them now too, which is even more annoying.]
I worry what "defeating" her would do as well, or even attempts. We haven't seen her truly angry yet, have we?
We have not no. Though it is I who is near my wits end with her.
[His hand grips and ungrips, as if readying for a fight. He was on the verge of taking the fight to her, he knew that, but nothing would come from that. He knows it. What is he? One person against a god? That wouldn't stop him but...
Shaking his head, he looks at Steven again.]
It is all speculation, we need facts to go up against her.
[Steven is still unsure about pursuing Thirteen in any way, though he too is increasingly frustrated by the circumstance of being stuck here, even though he's found much happiness. It still sits strangely with him to be here, and while he's grateful he has his loved ones around, the fear of losing them every day to some random fate is terrifying. Back home, he and Marc could always be together. Here, not so much.
He offers Fenris an understanding smile when their eyes meet, unsure how to help, but also desperately wanting to. He isn't the type of man to fight someone like Thirteen, despite his personal experiences with gods. That was... different. He'd like to talk to her, if anything.]
I don't think you're alone in that desire. [Offered quietly, fingers tracing over the lingering condensation on his pint.] I do often wonder if it would be possible to face her directly, yeah? To... have a chat. Even with one of her iterations, I don't know if it's really her.
If she's to be believed, these people of hers are her... And it's possible. In either case. Her iterations are around at the schools, I am sure they will parley if asked.
[He wants to confront Thirteen, but now isn't the time and while he knows he's not alone, he's not sure if he could confront her with them. If he saw her hurting Cobb... what would that do to him? How would he react?
Fenris shakes his head and leans back in his chair.]
[Steven has considered approaching one of them before but he's gotten nervous, which he hates to admit. At the end of the day, no matter how friendly her iterations appear to be, they're still far more powerful than any of the Star Children here, and he's dealt with enough gods to understand limitations with his own abilities. Still, he wonders if she would truly want to listen, if this is all intended to be a place of learning and opportunity...
He takes a short while to respond to Fenris, mulling over his answer.]
I suppose I'm most interested to understand why she invites us here but doesn't allow us to leave whenever we wish. I want to know why she holds us here without any... any feedback about our full potential. If that is indeed what drives us staying or leaving, how are we to understand what we're learning or not?
I'm also very curious to know about her origins, though I'm not sure how open she'd be to explaining. There's some information in the libraries but not enough.
[Fenris listens and nods, he's also wondered similarly, but it's hard to really approach it, to know what to say about the matter. If they were allowed to freely leave, he would have a lot less issue with this place, but being captive here... it makes his skin crawl.
Finally, he just shakes his head.]
There is power in mystique, she will not give up such information freely, not so long as we are... within her grasp and useful to her as captives. Her chokehold on us is too strong.
[While Steven tries to be positive where he can, he can't help but agree with Fenris, especially over a year into being here. It isn't the worst place in the world but it's certainly not free from forced conflict and other horrible things, which they both know quite well.]
I'm just glad to know I'm not the only one feeling this way. I mean, of course I know not everyone here is always happy, but it's nice to hear, you know? [He offers Fenris a little smile.] I'm glad knowing there's people like you here, Fenris. Maybe one day... we'll actually manage to do something.
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That's so sweet. [He chuckles, so fond over this situation. Steven and Cobb don't really get along much - nothing harsh or overly abrasive, but he's more friendly with Marc than him - but he knows Cobb is a good man.] Despite mixed feelings about this place, everyone deserves to find whatever bit of happiness they can. It may be temporary but... we don't know how long we'll be here, so may as well hold onto the good with both hands, yeah?
[That's definitely what Steven is doing.]
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[Fenris sits with that for a second drinking some more wine before saying anything. It was temporary and he might not even remember it, he could lose Cobb tomorrow or a year from now, but...]
I suppose so, yes. I am grateful for those I have met though I do not plan to play kindly to her tricks any longer. I find myself at my wits end with her and her trials. No matter what that means for me.
[He looks tired, but not the kind that's ready to give up, the kind that is being cornered and ready to lash out even if it means death.]
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[Thirteen and her trials can be very hit or miss, but when they're bad, they're bad. Steven will never get the image of Layla bleeding out in his arms out of his head, or seeing Hawke Tranquil, or Marc scared and overheated from the desert. No amount of silliness or sudden magical ability will make up for the bad.]
Sometimes... I wonder what would happen if we all collectively decided not to play along anymore. [His voice grows hushed admitting as much, hunching in closer to the table as if he's worried about being overheard.] What would she do if we simply laid down and said no?
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It might be the only way to one day rise against her, but there are too many of us who are complacent with this situation and her treatment.
[He sighs and takes another gulp of wine.
How do we make those who don't want to change things stand up against her?
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That's the difficult thing, isn't it? Not everyone agrees. [A soft smile there, almost resigned.] I'll admit when it's peaceful here it's quite nice. Some people don't have much of a life to return to, so I understand their perspective too but...
[He shakes his head some.] Not every prison is so apparent.
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[He finishes his wine and runs his fingers along the rim of the cup.]
If it is cooperation we need to defeat her, then she has seen well that we are divided just enough to not have it.
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[Steven shakes his head, seemingly annoyed by the thought, and opts to finish his drink too.
She's probably able to listen to them now too, which is even more annoying.]
I worry what "defeating" her would do as well, or even attempts. We haven't seen her truly angry yet, have we?
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[His hand grips and ungrips, as if readying for a fight. He was on the verge of taking the fight to her, he knew that, but nothing would come from that. He knows it. What is he? One person against a god? That wouldn't stop him but...
Shaking his head, he looks at Steven again.]
It is all speculation, we need facts to go up against her.
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He offers Fenris an understanding smile when their eyes meet, unsure how to help, but also desperately wanting to. He isn't the type of man to fight someone like Thirteen, despite his personal experiences with gods. That was... different. He'd like to talk to her, if anything.]
I don't think you're alone in that desire. [Offered quietly, fingers tracing over the lingering condensation on his pint.] I do often wonder if it would be possible to face her directly, yeah? To... have a chat. Even with one of her iterations, I don't know if it's really her.
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[He wants to confront Thirteen, but now isn't the time and while he knows he's not alone, he's not sure if he could confront her with them. If he saw her hurting Cobb... what would that do to him? How would he react?
Fenris shakes his head and leans back in his chair.]
What would you speak to her about?
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He takes a short while to respond to Fenris, mulling over his answer.]
I suppose I'm most interested to understand why she invites us here but doesn't allow us to leave whenever we wish. I want to know why she holds us here without any... any feedback about our full potential. If that is indeed what drives us staying or leaving, how are we to understand what we're learning or not?
I'm also very curious to know about her origins, though I'm not sure how open she'd be to explaining. There's some information in the libraries but not enough.
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Finally, he just shakes his head.]
There is power in mystique, she will not give up such information freely, not so long as we are... within her grasp and useful to her as captives. Her chokehold on us is too strong.
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I'm just glad to know I'm not the only one feeling this way. I mean, of course I know not everyone here is always happy, but it's nice to hear, you know? [He offers Fenris a little smile.] I'm glad knowing there's people like you here, Fenris. Maybe one day... we'll actually manage to do something.