unshod | Open RP Post

[ shyly, if you're into it ]

[always! sorry for the delay, getting to that busy time of year.

What time period would you like to go with? I could see act 3 or post DA2. Also if you have any ideas towards it, I would love to hear, otherwise I'll wing it.]

[ first off, i love that icon, secondly, sorry for the delay on my end too! i have been mulling over the answer to your options for two days now but i had rl stuff flooding me - I RETURN!!

i think that act 3 would work best? i can do Pining!Hawke (i mean, three years, fenris) before the official get together? or after the get together, a quiet and gentle moment before all the chaos. or chaos. i'm happy for you to run with whatever, and i will follow suit! ]

[okay, promise I'm still here just ultra slow because of another hyper fixation and time of year. But yes! sounds good, maybe some pining and then we get them back together!]

Fenris looks over at Hawke as they walk down the disgusting streets of Kirkwall. She was a spot of beauty surrounded with the filth and decay of the city. Even with splatters of blood across her form. In a way that makes her more beautiful. Because it makes her someone who fights to survive, to help people, to make her way in the world mean something.

It's suffocating loving her when so many others do too. She should have moved on by now, from their one night... a night he regrets so keenly he feels like he could fall apart because of it. Not because of what they did, but how he left after.

He's a fool.

His candle will always burn for her, but that doesn't mean she should hold one for him. Not when it feels like they could die any day now as tensions get worse.

Looking away, he is glad they are the only ones that walk this far into the city to go home at night. That he can bask in her presence without sharing for once. It makes it feel like he didn't make that mistake all those years ago. That there's something more than he deserves.

[ returns, hat in hand - the hat was found in a crate in lowtown - i think (tentatively) veilguard's released me from its hyperfixation clutches so here i am as well! ]

You would think that after three years' worth of this, Hawke would be able to stop the flutter of nerves in her stomach anytime she walks back home with Fenris. She's not a fool - Maker's breath, at least she's not a bigger fool than she's already been for this elf - she knows there's likely nothing left between them but a fragile camaraderie. But here she is, and here she has been, painfully hopeful for three long years.

She keeps stealing glances as they walk. One day, maybe, she'll get lucky and stop feeling a twinge of yearning anytime she sees his shock of white hair in the moonlight, or those green eyes focused on her.

Ugh, get a hold of yourself.

"Thank you for today," she says to cut through the silence. There was a fight - there's almost always a fight, they blend together after a while - and Fenris had her back covered as he always does. "Don't suppose I can tempt you away from the gloom house for a nightcap?"

[I am in another hyperfixation myself, I'm gonna be crazy slow but I'm here! No worries, always take your time]

If he knew that she longed for him the same way he did for her, things might be different, might be easier, but as he glances at her, the same moment she does the same... He knows he'll never be worthy of her. He was nothing compared to her, but if he can have her back, protect her, maybe even die for her, he will always be at her side.

Now if only he could reach out and take her hand and admit his mistake, his love, his regret.

Her voice is like a song cutting through the gloom and his ears twitch before he looks at her. He was about to assure her there was nothing to thank him for but then she makes that offer and his heart feels like it stops. It's not often either of them intentionally seek the other out these days. He could never say no.

"Perhaps I can be persuaded," he says it lightly, clearly a faint joke.

[ we can be slow together, they'll make each other suffer either way (sidebar this is so good) ]

Hope - that's what it feels like, anytime he cracks a joke. Which is more often than most people give him credit, though it doesn't always sound like it if it's in his dry tone. She knows there's a sense of humour there, and maybe selfishly she doesn't want to share it with others. Let her have the one special thing.

Fuck. And yet, he jokes faintly about maybe being persuadable and Hawke's entire heart doubles in size.

"I can be very persuasive," she jokes back, because what else is she going to do? Tell him she would give her left hand away to spend time in his company? Tell him she wants a future where all they do is just share the space together, and it's safe and warm and comfortable? No, she jokes back. "What's your price? Smile and a wink? A cheese wedge and a kiss?"

And make that: jokes back and forgets to watch her tongue.

To hear her joke back, as if nothing happened to them those years ago... As if they still have the level of comradery they once had, it feels warm. His heart uplifted in a way only she knows how to do.

It's moments like these that make all he's suffered worth it if it means he could be in her life.

He can't stop the amused smile and faint unsure chuckle at her offering a kiss. It really does feel like old times when she would flirt with him, catching him off guard where he can't stop himself from faintly blushing. She has a way with him that no other ever has or likely will.

A kiss would keep me for the night he wants to say, but his tongue is stiff and his throat tight. Instead he says, "I suppose cheese and your company is all the persuasion I need. I fear when it comes to you, I'm fairly cheap."

He is not the only one replaying that offer in his head. She has wanted to kiss him again for as long as...Maker, since that night. And almost continously since. She wanted him then, but the trouble is that she loves him now. And love makes Hawkes stupid.

"You're going to give me a bigger ego than it already is, Fenris." She nods towards her house. Her empty, too-large house, where Marian Hawke is the last Hawke standing.

"Come on, then, we'll raid the pantry and see what Bodhan keeps in stock." She wouldn't know. Ever since her mother was taken by that insane man, Hawke has eaten only because she's been fed. She has had Orana and Bodhan bully her to the table and make her keep herself alive more times than she could count, over the past three years. She has no idea what is in the pantry.

But if it keeps Fenris in her company a bit longer tonight...well.

"I don't believe that's possible, your ego already dwarfs most of Thedas itself," he smirks and follows close at her heels. The home she has now is far too big and lonely for someone who needs the warmth of others to fuel her heart.

The loss of all her family may be a blow she never really recovers from.

And is one reason he can't imagine approaching her again, because if he did... would he stay this time? He regretted leaving last time, but that does not promise he won't let his fear get the better of him. Even if he cannot imagine his life without her.

The thought alone is enough to make his heart ache awfully.

"I am sure his tastes are impeccable, perhaps we can... sweeten the deal with-" a kiss, "some bread?"

She should have a humorous quip for this one, but her mind is stuck in overthinking her own loneliness over the past three years or - longer, actually. The Arishok didn't launch his attack on Kirkwall immediately after Fenris ran from her bed, after all. Her mother didn't get murdered five minutes before either - there were many months in between ~~this isn't some video game~~.

Is Fenris going to find her pining pathetic, if he finally figures out that she's been holding onto hope this whole time? Is he going to get frustrated with her again, for not having stopped wanting him, for having grown to love him, despite him saying he could not 'do this' - whatever the fuck that had meant - or will he just pretend like he can't tell?

The way Hawke was meant to not be able to tell that he's been wearing her old red sash around his wrist like a bracelet.

There are two aching hearts as they walk into the estate. This late at night, the others will be fast asleep, so she gestures to Fenris to keep quiet. "Let's not wake Tiny or he'll start barking," she whispers, referencing her faithful mabari. Tiny adores Fenris; when the sullen elf does happen to be in the vicinity with her hound, Tiny becomes a dog shaken by his own tail, rather than the reverse.

"I would never disturb his sleep," he smirks a little and moves to be ever silent and careful in his steps, not wanting to disturb the mabari at rest. It wasn't just Tiny that was fond of him, he was quite fond in return. He's always admired mabari and their keen intelligence and loyalty. Some of the only times one would see him truly with his guard down is with the dog and he gives him scritches.

Still, this house is too big for Hawke alone. Too empty, too full of ghosts. If he could find the ability to overcome himself and reach out to love her - if she would even accept him - he would see she was less lonely here. But that wasn't his place in her life.

He was merely meant to sit on the sidelines and protect her in any way he can muster.

As it is, he follows her lead as ever, careful and quiet as they enter the house, making his way with familiarity to the pantry with her.

They don't disrupt Tiny's sleep, thankfully - the same cannot be said for the mabari, whose snores could honestly wake up the dead right now - but creep quietly down to the kitchens, and more importantly the larder.

She finds an empty basket for bread first, and fills it hapharzardly now that she's not dining alone. Bread rolls and cheese, as promised, and a handful of grapes, some dry meats, whatever is good for nibbling down here. Plus one bottle of Antivan sweet port, skipping the glasses.

"Here we go, a feast for kings," she declares, stepping out of the pantry. "I - hm." She cocks her head, considering their option for a venue for this feast. The kitchens are too close to Orana and the dwarves, and Hawke really could do without waking them tonight. The dining room is meant to entertain, and given that she hasn't entertained in years, is likely dusty and stuffy from disuse.

She looks down at her basket, then up to Fenris, observing him from under her lashes. Her voice low, slightly tremulous from nerves. "We could use my room. Won't be bothering anyone there..."

Open RP Post

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<3 <3 <3

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it's about. /the pining/

The pining is so good

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